Beyond the fields of Memory
by TheUsagi1995
Summary: 1-Shot. Taking place after the events of S12E11 "Regarding Dean." Sam is left shaken up. Dean, as the great big brother he is, sees this, and lets Sam know, with his own way, that he could never forget him. Because the knowledge of Sam's existence lays beyond the fields of Memory... Mentions of: Emotional Dean&Sam, Wincest, Kisses, Feelings, Caring Dean, Big-brother Dean, Love.


_**A/N!**_ _ **Hi there! So, I had a very nice day and as a result this popped into my head and needed to be written down! This is why I haven't sent it to my dear beta-reader, I wanted to upload it. Note that I do not own Supernatural, or any of its characters and that no money are made by this. So, no more talking!**_

 _ **Off we go! A/N!**_

* * *

 **FULL SUMMARY:  
Taking place a** **fter the events of S12E11 "Regarding Dean."  
Sam is left shaken up. Dean, as the great big brother he is, sees this, and lets Sam know, with his own way, that he could never forget him. Because the knowledge of Sam's existence lays beyond the fields of Memory...**

* * *

 _ **"Beyond the fields of Memory..."**_

As Dean was climbing down the stairs, he was mumbling something about a Halloween party, but he could see Sam's face, wrecked, deeply frowned and pained, as agony and fear were running through the younger man's veins. It was a look Dean had seen on his brother's face before, a look which was indicating that something truly dreadful had happened. Something broke inside the older man then, as his big brother instinct kicked in and the need to comfort Sam made his blood boil before going cold.

* * *

Going cold, yes, because as the green eyed man let his gaze wander on Sam's entire body, his breath hitched. His brother was tensed and Dean could almost see tight knots as Sam's muscles moved and twitched beneath his shirt. Moving upwards, Dean's keen, well trained eyes, caught the slight, but nonetheless existing spasm of Sam's right hand, as well as the veins which were popping out more than usual, thick, blue streams running along the length of Sam's palm. Returning his gaze on Sam's darkened face, Dean noticed the lines on his brother's forehead, as well as the dark shadows under his hazel eyes.

* * *

As it would seem, this wasn't the best time for Dean to make jokes. Sam's taut mouth remained tensed even after Rowena had waved them goodbye and things had returned to normal, making the older man's gut twitch at the sight. "Sam..." Dean said after they had returned to the small motel room so as to gather up their belongings. "Sam, what's done is done, I'm fine now." Dean assured, not missing the way Sam's thin, well shaped lips remained shielded and his jaw locked in place. Dean knew that expression, it was Sam's ultimate defense, his ultimate way of holding back his words, his screams, and above all, his uneven, shallow breaths.

* * *

Seeing that his brother had chosen to ignore him, probably so that their 'no chick-flick moments' rule wouldn't be broken, Dean let his shirt slip away from his elegant fingers and slowly moved to the other bed so as to get his brother to look at him in the eyes. But when he finally managed to do that, a part of him wished that he hadn't done it at all. The sadness in Sam's eyes was visible, and was something Dean had seen before, but there was more to it. In Sam's hazel orbs was now dwelling a new kind of sorrow, if one could call it by that name, which was making those bright eyes lose their sparkle, lose all hope, as if Sam was dying a slow, painful death. Dean's own eyes slightly blurred at the sight and he had to blink a couple of times in order to hold the tears back.

* * *

Sam, well aware of the fact that the fear, as well as the utter despair and loneliness he had experienced were still pained all over his face, cleared his throat and spoke, voice raw. "You... Um... You had forgotten a lot of things." He uttered and Dean let his right hand find the back of his brother's neck, so as to give an encouraging and reassuring squeeze. "I figured that much out, I didn't know which was the key to my Baby's engine." Dean said, chuckling as he spoke. His smile died however, when Sam lowered his head, his body shivering all of a sudden. "Yeah, there was that too." The younger hunter muttered and Dean felt him going almost numb, and could tell that he was recalling something that had happened.

* * *

"You kidding me man? That's the most important thing of all!" Dean replied, moving even closer to Sam's body. "Dean you had forgotten everyone and everything. Rowena, Mom, Cas, even your very own name!" Sam rasped then, voice cracking. "And I had to watch you becoming nothing but an empty shell, I had to watch, as every bit of who you really are, as every bit of what makes you the man you are, was slipping away. And I couldn't help you..." Sam's voice fainted then, and the hunter breathed out a shaky breath.

* * *

"Sammy, you did help me, you found Rowena, you found the jerks who jumped me." "That's not what I meant Dean..." Sam muttered, feeling Dean's strong hands on the back of his neck, caressing the skin in soft, light motions. His body leaned into the touch automatically and the younger hunter could feel the tension starting to melt away, as if Dean's touches had the ability to order his muscles to relax. "I couldn't help you Dean... I watched you standing in front of the mirror, eyeing your reflection as though it wasn't your own, all while trying to mutter names and-" "Alright, easy Sammy, take it easy baby boy..." Dean said, cutting his brother off, all while running his fingers through brown locks.

* * *

"Dean I... I have watched you die... More than a hundred times in a row, and Dean I have never turned my face away... No matter what the sight was, I've never wanted to look away, I needed to see you and I knew that you..." Here, Sam paused, swallowing hard and soundly so as to be able to keep talking. "You needed to see me, I know you did, but now... Now you were looking at me and you didn't know who I was. Dean, I couldn't bare to watch this, I couldn't do it, this wasn't..." Dean's eyes were wide open, gazing at Sam, as the younger man was trying to stop himself from saying too much. Eventually, Sam's voice quieted, as he could find no more words to utter, or to be honest, he knew there was no point in saying anything else.

* * *

"I hadn't forgotten you, not really." Dean breathed out, after a little while, lips ghosting over Sam's, while his hands were working the tensed muscles on his upper back. "Dean, you didn't-" "I heard you scream. When you were talking to Rowena, something happened..." "Yeah, the bitch did a spell and the sound was killing me-" Seeing the deep frown of worry on Dean's face, Sam momentarily paused, swallowing the lump in his throat. "It wasn't really pleasant, but I'll live." He eventually muttered, his eyes meeting Dean's. "So, that's why you screamed bloody murder." "Yeah, I..." "Well, when you screamed I... I felt something." Dean said, lowering his head.

* * *

"It was as though your voice echoed all over the place, echoed loud and clear in my head, and all of a sudden I knew... I knew the voice belonged to you." Dean muttered and Sam couldn't stop himself from asking how that was possible. "I don't know Sam, all I know, is that as soon as I heard you scream my blood turned to ice and I muttered your name... I remember Rowena looking at me like I was some kind of alien, and then I remember I got dizzy." Dean explained and Sam found himself blinking owlishly at his brother. "I got dizzy, yeah... Then, a myriad of blurred images passed before my eyes, and I saw you were in each and every one of them." The older man swallowed then, moving his hands along the length of Sam's back.

* * *

The hunter considered revealing the rest of what he had felt, but chose to leave the fact that at the sound of Sam's pained scream, he felt his insides being ripped out of him, out of his narration. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to even try to recall the excruciating pain he had felt at that moment. So he had labeled it as forbidden to remember, yet so vivid that he could never forget it had happened. The pain had indeed started from his head, as it was overflowed by memories of Sam, but then it expanded, deeper and deeper within him, and Dean had felt as though his bones were about to explode, as if his very soul had been taken apart by a cruel, relentless force. It was at that point where he had screamed and had fallen flat on the floor, having but one thought in his head. 'Sammy...'

* * *

"Dean, this can't be, you must have dreamed of this." Sam said, bringing Dean back to the present. "Why not Sam?" Dean interrupted his brother, tightening his hold on the back of his shirt. "Because you had forgotten your own freaking name-" "Yeah, but I never forgot how to fire a gun. And I never forgot you. I knew you were, above all else, my brother." The older hunter declared, making sure to take Sam's face in between his hands when the younger man tried to turn his watering gaze away from him. "Why do you think I didn't shoot you, back then when you were running down the stairs, chasing that maniac?" "Because I..." "Because you told me you were my brother Sam. That's why." "I could be lying." Sam shot back, his stubbornness making Dean's face light up with a genuine smile.

* * *

"No, no Sammy, you were telling the truth." Dean replied, letting his right hand move Sam's hair behind his ear. The young man lowered his eyes then, feeling Dean's body drawing his own even closer, like a magnet. "I can never forget you Sammy. The knowledge of your very own existence... Is carved on my soul, deeper than any layer of dusted up memories goes within my mind, deeper than everything else, hidden, concealed. Beyond memory itself is that knowledge." Dean breathed, knowing better than to meet Sam's eyes at that moment. "Untouched by the stains time puts on me it is, protected even from the menace of this world." Here, the green eyed man paused again, as he felt his lips had dried up all of a sudden. But this shouldn't come as a surprise, not really, because Dean had poured every single drop of love, affection and tenderness he had, into those words.

* * *

"The knowledge of your existence Sam, fights away the darkness which lurks in the depths of my soul, it fights back my own inner demons, it holds me together." As Dean fell silent, he let his hands move away from Sam's body as well, not knowing what his brother would have to say, after that rather... Intense monologue. Seconds turned into minutes, and none of the men dared to speak, both of them afraid that if they were to break the silence, something very bad would happen. Sam was the one who first gathered up, his courage at long last, managing to get his mouth to work. "I... You mixed up the lyrics of Johnny Cash's song somewhere in there, didn't you?" Sam asked all of a sudden, and Dean's eyes rolled back in his head. "My God, what the fuck are you?" Dean rasped then, unable to hide the smile from his face.

* * *

His smile, yeah, because even though Sam was deeply touched by Dean's truthful and meaningful words, he had wisely chosen to joke about what he had just heard. Something for which Dean was more than thankful. "Well, according to what you've just said, I am the one thing which exists beyond the lines of memory, beyond the stains of time." Sam muttered, color rising in his cheeks. Oh great, so much for not commenting on what Dean had just said. "I've heard that last one, somewhere before..." Dean muttered and Sam moved into his brother's personal space. "Does the name Johnny Cash rings a bell?" The younger man asked chuckling. Dean hummed low in his throat as he felt his dick coming alive in his pants.

* * *

"Yeah, guess it does..." Dean replied, kissing his way up Sam's long, fine neck. Pausing, Dean tried to find less 'girly' words to utter, but he couldn't oblige his mind to work at that moment, because Sam's low moans were all he could hear. Well, screw it. The chick-flick moments had gone through the roof, so one more wouldn't hurt all that much."And yeah, you are and will always be someone I will never be able to forget..." Dean continued, voice low, deep, filled with lust. Sam shivered again, this time however, for an entirely different reason than before. "Dean..." Sam muttered as the older man brushed his lips on Sam's earlobe.

* * *

"I will never be able to forget you Sammy, but before I'm done with you, you will have forgotten your own name... Do you want that?" Dean asked, and a warm, deep, true wave of love washed over Sam. Even after everything, he would always ask what Sam wanted to do... "Yes, Dean yes..." Sam declared, passion feeling his voice. Thus, their lips then crushed, and the last, tiny piece which was missing from Dean, was finally placed where it belonged to, in the depths of his soul, beyond the lines of memory, in that place where neither sorrow, nor darkness were welcomed...

* * *

 _ **A/N!**_ _ **So, here it ends, a single, short one shot! Hope that it was worth your time and that you enjoyed it! Please tell me what you think if you want!**_

* * *

 _ **Thank you all for reading,**_  
 _ **Until next time,**_  
 _ **Love you all,**_  
 _ **Usagi! :)**_


End file.
